August 15, 2012

Tomorrow is the big day! We pulled our travel trailer down to the hospital parking lot.  Upon arrival, while Scott got our trailer stabilized & electricity hooked up (we were going to need air conditioning), Nolan and I headed to the hospital for chest x-rays & lab work. It took a little coaxing to get Nolan to leave Dad & go into the hospital with me. I explained to him that the x-rays were just pictures of his heart & even did hand gestures & poses showing him how the technician would have him stand for the "pictures". I finally convinced him by bribing him with bubble gum and a movie after his tests were all done.   

The wait for the x-rays was a bit long, but we managed.  And Nolan and the technician hit it off and he was very cooperative.  I had explained to Nolan that I might have to stand behind the wall when the pictures were taken, but instead-I was able to wear a very heavy protective apron and stay with Nolan the whole time.  After the pictures were taken, Nolan got a toy and sticker and was sent on his way. 

This is where it gets tricky.  I'd done an excellent job explaining to Nolan about the x-rays, but I had intentionally NOT told Nolan about the blood work.  Given his past history with shots at the pediatrician's office, I didn't want to deal with any extra defiance on his part about NOT going to get blood work.  I was afraid-ok-just plain chicken-to let Nolan know that a needle would be involved in the next test.  We checked in at the lab and waited some more.  When his name was called, we walked in to the tiny cubicle and I sat him on my lap.  The lab tech was very good with Nolan, but this kid picked up pretty quick when the vials were laid on the tray-table.  (The kids have gone with me to my own blood tests numerous times).   

I'm not sure how many parents have experienced this, but Nolan turned in my lap to look at me, and the look said it all.  I was a traitor.  I was the worst mother in the world.  How could I let this happen?  How could I, the person he trusted the most, allow this person to stick him with a needle?  So what did Nolan do, held there tightly in my lap.  He stuck his tongue out at me.  Ok...the tongue.  I can handle that.  Then he pouted, "I don't want to".  Then his lips quivered.   

The tech gently told Nolan she was only going to "feel with her fingers" as she took his right arm to feel for a vein.  She told Nolan she was putting a "rubber band around his arm". No such luck.  So she took his right arm for the same procedure-still assuring Nolan that she was only checking his veins with her fingers and tried to amuse him by showing him how her fingers "bounced off his vein".  The kid wasn't amused.  In fact, there was no smile at all.  The tech whispered to me that she was going to get someone to hold his arm.  When she left, Nolan turned in my lap to burying his head in my chest and then the waterworks came.  First from Nolan, with pleading words I cannot recall.  Then from me, with the best encouraging words I could muster. Aagghhh...I thought.  I can't let him see me crying.  I'm the mom, I'm supposed to be strong for him-I know this blood work stuff isn't a big deal-I've been doing it all my life.  If he sees me cry, he think something is wrong with this test-that it's really bad. 

The techs returned to the room, and I stealthily tried to wipe away my tears so Nolan would not see.  The techs both did their best to soothe Nolan and he cried softly in my arms as the one tech held his arm and the other tech got the butterfly needle ready.  I whispered to Nolan that he needed to keep his arm as still as a statue and it would be over quick, and to my little man's credit-he continued to sob but held his arm completely still and the tech got the vein the first try-thank goodness.  When they were done and putting the cotton ball and tape on Nolan, I quickly grabbed my tissue to wipe my eyes and I was grateful I had chosen to not wear makeup this morning.

 After I set Nolan down and we were headed back out to the trailer, he did not want to hold my hand.  He did not want to look at me or acknowledge me.  I was being snubbed by a four year old.  I couldn't blame him.  As we were walking down the hall to the exit, Nolan's cardiologist was standing in a doorway talking to someone.  As we came closer, I heard him apologize to the person, but that he had to say "Hi" to a friend.  He stooped down to give Nolan a high-five-their usual greeting, and even Dr. Manohar was partially snubbed.  "We just came from the lab" I explained to Dr. Manohar who nodded, told Nolan he'd see him later, as Nolan kept on walking by.

I'm happy to report that not too much longer I was once again "the best mommy in the world".  We had a pleasant rest of the day with a visit from Nolan's Sunday school teachers and a special pizza party with close family and friends.  And now it is time to sign off.  We have to register at 6:30am and the surgery is currently scheduled for 8:30 am.  I'll try to update tomorrow evening.